Ten years ago, my daughter came home from school and told me some classmates made fun of her. I told my nine-year-old daughter that if anyone ever did that to her again, she should beat them. That was really bad advice. What my daughter needed me to teach her was how to deal with uncomfortable feelings. That’s what your daughter needs too. Here are three tools your daughter can use that are better than a beat when someone makes her uncomfortable.
A safe place
If your daughter has an uncomfortable experience with her classmate, she needs to know it’s safe to talk to you about it. You need to communicate to her that she isn’t alone, that she is loved, and that you believe her. This creates a safe place for her to deal with uncomfortable feelings.
You can’t control your daughter’s choice of friends at school. However, you can work to surround her with positive relationships. These can be people who are working to build your daughter up. You can’t completely stay away from people who will make her uncomfortable. But you can encourage her to spend time with people who will encourage her.
Practice
You can encourage your daughter to respond(反应) in these difficult situations by practicing with her. Running through potential(潜在的) situations can make her prepared so she feels like she has tools when she finds herself in a difficult situation and wonders how to deal with uncomfortable feelings. For example, you could ask your daughter to share a time a classmate made her uncomfortable. Then ask, “What could you have done or said in that time to create safety?” It’s important not to make her feel sorry.
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