Being a people-pleaser is second nature to many people. We long to calm those around us, often at the expense of our own wants and needs. Unfortunately, people-pleasing is unhealthy. Overcoming people-pleasing can be done by changing a few habits. Here are 4 things a recovering people-pleaser should practice.
1. Remember your worth.
You were created differently from every other human. Overcoming people-pleasing starts with knowing your opinion and actions have worth and that your presence matters. By pleasing people at the expense of your own needs and desires, you’re forgetting that you are here for a reason.
2. ▲
Apologizing is my automatic action when things go awry. My husband, however, insists on pointing out when things are not my fault. If you’re a people-pleaser too, the minute something goes wrong, you probably jump to apologize. Before words of apology trip from your lips, stop and look at the situation. If you are at fault, say you’re sorry. However, if you aren’t, save the apology for when you’re at fault.
3. Keep saying no.
It is easy to say yes to everything. Overcoming people-pleasing involves understanding that you can say no and mean it. Saying no may be hard, but the more you say it, the more you understand how important it is to say.
4. Speak up.
People-pleasers like to agree with the masses. We are quiet, listening, waiting to agree with whatever decision is reached. Many times, I simply stayed quiet and agreed, even when I really didn’t like whatever the plans were. But I became bitter that I was putting effort into something I didn’t agree with. Overcoming people-pleasing involves learning to really use your voice—even if it means shouting to be heard.
It’s not easy to go against a nature that you’ve crafted to please everyone around you. Chances are, as you work on overcoming people-pleasing, you’ll fall into old patterns. I do—often. The best part is we get the grace of a new day to try all over again.
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